What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 06:26
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We all went to grammer schools
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What has been your best sexual experience?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
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When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it wasn’t much.
I was scared of men, in general
She found it foreign!.
If you could go back and rewrite the Legend of Korra, what would you change, and why?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why would my ex block me after I blocked him?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Does Donald Trump have low self-esteem?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Are you more of a butt guy or a boob guy?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What were some of the unforgettable incidents from your school life?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was seconnd youngest,
Would this be the day?
Which bands became massively popular for covering songs rather than recording originals?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I said to her
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It was going to be , some day.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He knew the spot.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I have no regrets .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Was to survive, this bastard.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So, i spoilt her more .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I could never make a relationship work though!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Comes on , in middle age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was very sick at this time too.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was 9 years of age.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is soul school!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I will be 64.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But, we were locked up after school.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But ive been too sick for many years..
So whats the point in blame.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was in good health!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She loved him until the end.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She wouldn,t have been !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When she asked me how she looked .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
All the time i was locked up.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Put me off passion for life!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im still living with it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were not on the streets..
I waited trembling.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ive learnt so much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What did i know ?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And i lived it daily.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life